Forty Blocks
by LukeAndLorelai Brucas Fan
Summary: They were separated by forty blocks and too many years. She hadn’t been able to bring herself to say how she really felt until she knew it was over. Those words couldn’t be released until it was the end.


Rory Huntzberger closed her eyes as she knocked on the door. Still clutching a piece of paper in her hand she bit her lip, hoping she'd followed the directions to the right house.

"Hello." a voice called from down below. Rory shook her head, and looked down.

There stood a little girl, about four feet tall, with dark curls and large brown eyes.

"Hi, um-"

"Ella, what have I said about opening the door?" asked a male voice from somewhere inside the house. Rory's head snapped up, her gaze moving from the little girl to the man walking towards her.

"I'm sorry. I forgot."

"What's uncle Luke told you about strangler's?" he asked, stepping up beside her and ruffling her hair. With a chuckle, he looked up at the woman at the door. "Rory."

"Hi."

"Why are you here?"

"I wanted to see you."

"Ella, go play in your room, ok?"

"Ok Daddy." she skipped down the hall, leaving her father alone with the strange woman.

"Why are you here Rory?" Jess repeated.

"Well, my... Um, I heard you were living here and I'm alone for the weekend, so I just thought I'd..."

"Alone for the weekend?"

"What?"

"You said you were alone for the weekend. What does that mean?" he asked looking down as she fidgeted with her hands.

"Logan's out of town."

"Logan." Jess frowned as he remembered.

"You're daughter's beautiful." Rory added, nodding in the direction of the hallway that Ella had gone down.

"She is."

"How old is she?"

"Four."

"And is your wife-"

"I'm not married." They stood silently watching each other for a few moments, Rory, nervously clenching and unclenching her left hand, hoping he wouldn't look at it. "How long?"

"Three years." _Well there goes that one._

"You're not happy." It wasn't a question. He was simply stating a fact, based on what he saw before him.

"Sometimes. There are days when everything is great, and then I'll wake up and think, 'what the hell am I doing here?'"

"So you came here, hoping...?"

"I just wanted to see you. It's been over five years and I thought-"

"Where does your husband think you are right now?"

"At home."

"But you decided to come see me. What for?"

Rory bit her lip, hard. He was making this too hard. Why couldn't he just accept that she had missed him? Her eyes grew bigger and Jess was suddenly seventeen again, staring at the first girl he ever loved. The first girl who loved him.

"I can't believe you have a kid. I mean, you."

"She's all mine. From day one it was me and El. Chloe didn't much care for being a mom, so I said that whatever she decided, I'd always be here for the baby."

"That's really great. Luke's so proud of you."

"I know. He tells me every week when we talk." Rory nodded. She was glad for Jess, he had his life on track, and he looked happy.

"I should go put Ella to bed. You can wait for me in the kitchen if you want. End of the hall."

Following Jess' directions Rory found herself in a kitchen, that somehow, felt familiar. Instinctively she moved to a cupboard and found two wine glasses. In the door of the fridge was a bottle of red.

Pouring the wine, Rory lifted her glass to her lips and looked around. She looked down at her hand, holding the glass and then put it down, extending her arm to get a better view of her hand. Slipping off her wedding and engagement rings she put them on the counter.

"Find everything you need?"

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought, we could talk over a glass of wine."

"It's fine." he moved to the dining table and stacked a bunch of Ella's drawing before placing them in a draw. "You hungry?"

Rory shook her head. "You look great. Fatherhood seems to agree with you."

"You look good too. Although I don't think that has too much to do with being married."

Rory laughed, humourlessly, "Thanks."

"Sorry."

"No. It's ok. You're right. I'm not happy, we haven't been happy in a long time."

"So why do you stay with him?"

"He loves me." Rory replied without hesitation.

"Do you love him?"

"He's my husband."

"That wasn't my question."

"Jess-"

"Daddy, can I have a glass of water?" Ella asked, cutting off their conversation.

"Sure baby, hang on." Jess fetched a glass and filled it before handing it to his daughter. She gulped down the liquid and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Thank you." she walked out of the room, swaying slightly, as sleep fought to take over her body.

"I care about Logan, I do. But I don't love him. Not anymore. I know I should, but I just... I don't feel good with him anymore." she reached out and grasped Jess' wrist, rubbing her thumb along the prominant veins she found there. "I don't know why I haven't left him."

Jess stood watching her for a moment and looked down at her hand before he spoke, "You shouldn't be here."

"I know."

"But I don't want you to go." he added.

"I know that too." Slowly, Jess closed the gap between them, slow enough, as if asking for permission, and then he kissed her.

They stood together in the kitchen, Rory pressed against the rounded edge of the counter, as Jess dug his fingers into her hips. The kiss started out slow, but they had soon fallen back into a rythem both had presumed, long forgotten.

Jess didn't want to think. He didn't want to do anything, but finally make love to Rory Gilmore. Except that she was no longer Rory Gilmore, she was Mrs. Huntzberger. And he had a child to consider. It wouldn't do to have her wander out for another glass of water and find her father screwing a virtual stranger on the kitchen floor.

As Rory's finger's tangled in his hair, he slipped his arms around her and began pulling her out of the room, towards his bedroom. She lay down and he moved in to undress her.

They made love slowly and lovingly, exploring each others bodies with a new appreciation.

* * *

Hours later as they lay in a tangled mess of limbs, Jess gently stroked Rory's arm.

"Stay with me." he whispered into her shoulder.

"I can't."

"I want you to stay with me." he repeated more insistantly

"How could I do that, Jess? I'm married." She asked, rolling over to face him.

"I don't care. You don't belong with him. He is so incredibly wrong for you, how can you not see that?"

"Please don't do this now."

"When can I do it then? I mean, you won't be here in the morning, will you?"

"You know what? Maybe I'm not even here now, how does that sound?" Rory asked, climbing out of the bed and snatching up her clothes.

"I don't want you to go."

"You've got a funny way of showing it."

"Rory," Jess grabbed her arms, stopping from moving as she stood in her underwear. "I don't want to lose you again. Please, please don't go. I love you."

Taking a deep breathe, Rory could feel the air on her naked ring finger, where her wedding band was supposed to be. It felt... Fine. She had expected that if this were ever to happen - not that she had set out to sleep with a man other than her husband - that she would feel different. Sick, maybe, seeing as she had just betrayed Logan, spat on her vows.

But there was none of that.

"You have no idea how much I wish I could just pretend that you and Ella were the only two people in the world. But I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because, as beautiful as that fantasy is, you're not and-"

"You don't want to leave him do you?"

"It's not that I don't want to. I can't. Everything I have is because of Logan. I can't just walk out on him. He doesn't deserve that."

"And what about me? What do I deserve?"

"Do you really want to go down that particular path? Because you-"

"You can't keep using my past against me Rory. I've apologised for everything I ever did to hurt you. But you hurt me too. Remember Philly?"

"I didn't mean for that to happen."

"You should go." Jess replied, standing from the bed and turning away from her.

"Jess,"

"No, Rory, I can't have this conversation with you now. I love you, you know where I stand. So whatever you decide, that's fine. But you should go now."

She blinked at him from the other side of the bed and slipped her dark blue dress over her head. As she sat to put on her heels, they were both reminded of their first kiss. Her dress looked just like the one she had worn at Sookie and Jackson's wedding.

"Can I see you again?" she asked, stopping at the door.

"Do you want to?"

"Yes. I... I really do."

"Well then you know where to find me." She nodded and walked out the door.

* * *

Every night for the next two weeks, Rory arrived at Jess' home just after he put Ella to bed. They would talk and quickly retire to his bedroom. Rory was gone every morning when Jess awoke.

She had never thought that she would be the kind of person to so routinely go against her marriage vows and then also hurt the man she was having an affair with.

Jess couldn't say anything. He didn't know what to say. He knew that there was nothing he could do to convince her to walk away from her husband. Rory was traditional. She believed in her marriage and even if she were doing these things, she still wouldn't admit to anyone, even herself that it was really happening.

The night before Logan was to return from his business trip in London, Rory made love to her ex one last time. And for the first time, told him to his face that she loved him too.

Jess had been saying it the entire time they were sleeping together, but Rory couldn't bring herself to do it until the end.

As she walked back to her car at two am, she resigned herself to the fact that she would always love Jess Mariano. And she vowed that her husband would never know this fact.

Jess was the love of her life that she would never be able to openly admit to.

And Ella was the daughter she would never be able to claim, because as long as she remained married to Logan Huntzberger, she couldn't confuse the little girl by being in her life too much.

Lying in her New York penthouse, on the other side of the city, Rory thought of the family she wished she could be a part of.

That dream would never be, she would just need to remember that.

They were separated by forty blocks and too many years.

She hadn t been able to bring herself to say how she really felt until she knew it was over. Those words couldn t be released until it was the end.

And so she made the decision to stay on her side of the city, to remain separated by those forty blocks until she could ignore the feelings.


End file.
